James: What's your favorite sauce? Mine's apple sauce, then tomato sauce.
James: What's your favorite white thing over there?
(points to laundry room)
Mine's the dryer.
*****
Mama: I need to figure out what you guys are going to wear to the wedding.
James: Well, I can just wear three pairs of underwear.
James (to Mama): You're a pretty good looking girl...You're good at looking for things.
(Charlie is nodding off to sleep in his carseat. His eyelids are slowly closing....)
James: What's wrong with his eyeballs?
James: There was an old lady...who had a lot of kids she didn't understand.
(James's version of the nursery rhyme "There was an old lady who lived in a shoe")
(James has been learning about the Easter Story in school.)
Mama: What can you tell me about Easter?
James (says solemnly): Jesus falls a second time.
*****
(Upon bringing Matthias home from the hospital)
James: Let's put him on the floor and see what he can do.
(While watching me burp Matthias)
James: Why are you hitting him?
(Discussing the kimchi fried rice on his plate)
James: I'm not going to eat all of it. I'm going to save a little bit so when Matthias gets bigger he can try it and see if he likes it.
(James sits on the toilet and farts.)
James: "Let's call those number 3's."
*****
Mama: Did you learn about God in school today?
James: Yes, we learned about Noah's artwork...I mean Noah's art.
(After being told that he can only bring one of his two tractor pillows on vacation)
James (in a very condescending tone): Well honey, I know this is hard, but one is to sleep on and one is to sleep with.
(He brought both pillows.)
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And now, one from Charlie:
Mama: Do you want to watch Scooby Doo?
Charlie: No, Shaggy Doo!
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